The following are snippets of my genius that I wanted to share with the world. Okay, actually they are lazy shortcuts that you probably already knew, so stop rolling your eyes already. If YOU'RE so smart, feel free to tell me how you invented cold fusion or figured out how to remember that those clothes in the washer are not going to dry themselves and you actually have to go move them to the dryer or you will have to rewash them and WHY does my washer not have a buzzer??? Ahem. Moving on.
- When washing a baby's hair, sometimes you need a full-fledged lather. You know, like when you're trying to remove cradle cap and you fell for the vegetable oil trick (ha ha!) or there is poop involved. We've all been there. However, for routine maintenance, when really you just want your baby to SMELL like you washed his hair, the following method is much easier to perform on a squirmy baby who Does. Not. Like. Water. On. His. Head. Put a little squirt of baby shampoo (all-natural, of course, because you would NEVER put scary toxic chemicals all over your delicate fragile ba- oh, whatever. I like Burt's Bees because it smells like honey, but if you have a thing for good ol' J&J, I won't tell.) in a cup, and add an inch or two of water. Swish it up, and rinse that through your baby's hair. The diluted stuff works just as well, is easier to distribute, and rinses out MUCH more quickly. In fact, if baby is acting like you just poured sulfuric acid on his head, you can probably even skip the rinse and get him the heck out of there. Less effort + nice-smelling baby = WIN.
- Your son has suddenly switched gears and now WON'T eat PB&J but ONLY wants heretofore snubbed deli-style sandwiches? And lunchmeat is expensive and full of nitrates or whatever? Throw a turkey breast in the crockpot in the morning. It can even be frozen, just come back in a little while and pull the gravy pack out of it once it's thawed out a bit. I suppose you could season it or something, you Fancy-Pants. I don't, though. If you forget until later, or you need it by lunchtime, put it on high, otherwise low is fine. When it's done, use a pair of tongs to peel back the skin and pull off all the meat. It will all fall off pretty easily, I can do it in a matter of minutes with a baby in one hand. Voila sandwich meat! Now take a look at all the mess left in your crockpot. You can dump it OR if you're ready to put on your supermom cape, you can fill the crockpot up with water, a splash of vinegar, and anything else you have handy: carrot scraps, celery scraps, peppercorns, onion skins, garlic, bay leaves... whatever. Just water is fine, too. Leave El Crockpot on low at least overnight, until lunch or dinner the next day. Strain out the magically wonderful broth you just made, and you've got another meal or two. Of course you can make soup with it, but it's so good that I even just drink a mug plain. If it's too hot outside for soup, use it instead of water to cook noodles or rice, or stock your freezer for the next time illness strikes.
- When writing a post to show off all the smarty tricks you've come up with, maybe think of more than two. Oh, well.
(Seriously, someone tell me how to stop forgetting the wet clothes in the washer.)